Canton with Lois

It has been 18 years since I have been to Canton so when Lois (John’s sister) called and asked me if I wanted to go Friday I jumped on the bandwagon. Canton for those who do not know is a town 45 minutes east of Dallas and is for all practical purposes is one big flea market. It is a Mecca of antiques, crafts, animals, midgets, circus freaks, and sausage on a stick, the confederate flag, candles, and tables upon tables of Crocs with a side order of fake designer purses.

Yeah, it is my kind of place.

I am going to wrap up the details of the trip Clint Eastwood style.

The Good
Lois and I got matching pink t-shirts that say “Sisters are Forever.” I was laughing so hard when we were buying them that I am sure the lady at the register thought I was nuts. We bought them for the sole purpose of seeing John and Jerry’s reaction. It was worth ever dime of the 3.50 they each cost.

I bought John a t-shirt that is black and says DEA in big white letters on the front and under that states the obvious “Definitely Enjoys Alcohol.”

Spending time with Lois. Our trip to Missouri was too long ago and our family weekend in Oklahoma is not until the end of October. We will have to plan another trip to Canton when it cools off so we can take Mom.

The Bad
There was a mother there who actually brought her 2 week old baby to the market. It was so hot and this baby was just miserable. I wanted to slap her head right out of her Lynard Skynard Do-Rag.

Lois’ sausage on a stick was the worst she has ever had there. My BBQ sandwich was bad too. Damn it.

The Ugly
There was a family of midgets selling chickens. The scene was so hideous that I could not turn away. I know it is impolite to stare but one of the midgets was actually laying down in a large dog crate. It took everything I had not to walk up and ask “How much for this one?”

How in the hell did a group of Rednecks end up with Kangaroo’s? I asked how much for the baby Kangaroo and he said 1250.00. Then he turned to his friend and gave the best laugh he could with his hunkin dip of Skoal and said “Or a hundred cases of Lone Star.” Moron. I should have kicked him as hard as I could in the balls to keep him from reproducing.

Hispanic people who dress their daughters in wedding attire and soccer shoes to come to a flea market. For real yawl…Good Lord.

Explore posts in the same categories: Family, comedy