I should just panhandle for a living

Tonight I had an interview with the AIA for a position as the Director of Admissions. The opportunity just kinda fell in my lap and after a hard sell on behalf of the gentleman recruiting me, I decided to interview for the position. I figure John can hire someone for my “position” with our company if I get the job with the AIA. After all…working for my husband may or may not be a great thing.

I started getting ready 2 hours before the interview and it’s a good thing. I ran the iron over my best suit, polished my shoes and spent 30 minutes searching for a bra that didnt look like it had been through a war zone.  I should have known things were not going to go smoothly when I cut my face with John’s razor. Silly me for thinking I could give the upper lip a few swipes without complication. I will say this though…I have never cut a nipple trying to shave off the stray hairs that sometimes take root around my areola like my Aunt Debbie did. What in the hell is wrong with our genes? Dont they know we are female? Or are we?

I finished doing hair and make-up and went to put on my suit. A suit I have not worn in 10 months. A suit that fit perfectly then. A very expensive suit. a suit that now makes my ass look like it is 9 months pregnant. In a fit of rage I ripped off the suit and scrambled frantically through my closet. Navy pants…nope, too small. Black pants…missing a zipper. Plaid flannel pajama bottoms…UGGG. I had nothing. Then I spotted my brown pants at the back. Great! I put them on and they fit fine. Now the top……Brown blazer…nope, too small. Green top…too small. Pink top…to small.  Mettalic brown top, sadly it fits. So, there I was looking in the mirror at the big effin chocolate bar that I am when it hits me. I do not have any brown dress shoes. I only have brown sandals. Off I go, to an interview for a job I really want. Looking like I should be on a conveyor belt awaiting my wrapper that reads “Now with more almonds!” while sporting the best in Jesus footware.

Part two tomorrow.

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